Fancy that.: April 2004

Monday, April 26, 2004

It's been a year since we first went to our current church. What a year. Our sermon yesterday was on eternal security. Last year I would have plugged it out. Why? I've always been taught the opposite. Slowly, I've changed my mind. It's always been for me "I know I became a Christian, and know I'm saved, but what if something I did was bad enough, or enough sin piled up, to keep me out of heaven?" I was fearful of that. So I tried to be good, tried to be self righteous, thought I was "pretty good". But that's not good enough, and the whole thing, in spite of best intentions to stay on track, started to turn me off. Then I was listening to a worship CD one night and lines in The Wonderful Cross and The Heart of Worship caught me, and I thought "It's a gift! I can never really pay for it or make up for it. I deserve hell. I deserve it. I'm not good enough to get to heaven. Oh Lord, thank you for saving me." I knew all that subconsciously, but not consciously. I've had a lot more peace and joy since. The thing is, not everyone one around our house believes eternal security. Because of all the different views I've heard, it's been hard to get my roots down, but I think now I'm finally starting to. But, I spent most of yesterday in bed with a nasty migrane. Oooh, I hate those. (but really, I've yet to meet a person who likes them.)

Seanna spake at 5:45 AM

Saturday, April 24, 2004

The Uncanny Adventures of essy
Volume 1.
In this adventure, reading up to page 50 in Sam's Teach Yourself DHTML in 24 Hours was my goal. I eagerly started and easily comprehended everything until the text off of Page 33 loomed out at me. "In this hour, you'll review the essentials of the JavaScript language. If you're already a JavaScript expert..." I stopped. Sniffed. Sighed. Closed the book. Closed my eyes. "But... but... That's what it was supposed to teach me!" I moaned. "Wait!" cried I. "I have another book that shall help me out of my pathetic predicament! JavaScript for the World Wide Web! What a grnius am I!" And thus, I read. Late into the night. Er, afternoon. To page 19.

Volume 2.
"Ah, the feel of bare feet on a cold linolium floor. How refreshing. But hark! Is that my brother I hear? Eating my cookies? Tickling my cat? Bothering my dear sister!? This shall not do!" Our mighty hero dashes out the door. "Move earthling, or thou shalt be the object of my vengence!". "I shall not move, meanie!" Our superhero, gets ready, takes a lunge, swings her leg and lets loose for a powerful kick where it's deserved. However, she misses the target, hits the door post, and tumbles into the hallway. Please keep our hero in mind while her pinky toe slowly goes back to its original size and colour.

Volume 3.
Our favorite paper girl once again finds herself running late in the morning. After counting and recounting the morning news papers, she swings her hefty, 22lb. knock my back out of wack and I look dumb with pink reflectors, paper bag onto her, I'm used to this but why couldn't they make more comfortable shoulder straps, shoulder, and springs nimbly down the street. She makes it 2 blocks before she slows down to smell the roses, or, fresh breeze. "mmm, smells like... rain!?" She glances at the sky, and feels a wet drop hit her face. Rain! She steps up her pace. Another block. Now it's a steady drizzle. And she lopes another block. Finally, the last paper has found its new home, and she steals down the dirt road back alley- her short cut. 5 minutes later she shows up on the back deck, shoes caked in mud, touque wet, jacket, dripping.

Seanna spake at 6:34 AM

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

Friday night I had a piano recital. I'm not the type who gets nervous over such things, so therefore it wasn't really a big deal. And, some friends who I didn't think were coming were there, so I even had my own cheering section. heh. :)

Also, lately I've had some problems. Not only with trying to catch up piles of school work, but other things. I'm not in one of my "depressive moods". Indeed, I have spiritual comfort. Be that as it may, it's still weighing on me and I really don't know what to do or how to fix it. I pray something will break, but I have a gut feeling this summer may not be pleasant.

Seanna spake at 6:33 AM

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

Easter has come and gone. I guess you already knew that. I didn't really do much special . Actually, I went garage saling, and thus have added one more fair candle to my collection of 30 some. At one garage sale, there must have been a rabid New Kids On the Block fan who finally got a life and realized, they aren't cool. It's hard to believe they ever were. Were they? It's difficult to look cool in hot pink pants and neon high tops. There were posters, puzzles, hats, books, magazines, and cassettes. I'm guessing the person is now a Britney Spears fan.

It's almost sad this year. I didn't get into Easter. I didn't even realize when Good Friday was untill a notice told me there was no paper that day. Sure, I noticed all the chocolate bunnies, but I never have celebrated chocolate bunnies, so it didn't connect. One thing I've always thought about is, the date alwys changes, so why celebrate then instead of around Passover? I'm not sure what I'm trying to say, except that knowing where the day comes from, the day no longer means much to me. It's not a historical day. Instead it's something to do with the equinox and that has always sort of bugged me. Palm Sunday? What do you mean this is "the day" that Jesus rode through Jerusalem on a donkey when it was a totally different day last year? I guess I try to be aware of God's gift more than just one day a year and then forget about it the rest of the time.

Bought the new Jeremy Camp praise and worship CD. I don't like it as much as the first one, and, I think I'm going to quit buying his: they aren't worth the 20 bucks I spent on it.

Also, I think I should get my back checked out. It's been getting worse, not better. The only thing is, in the 2 1/2 years I've lived here, I've not needed to go to a doctor, so I'm not sure which one to go to.

The one other thing I'd like the mention is this: some of you reading this and happen to read back a ways, see some of the things I've written and go "ouch, she said that?". I apologise if I offend you. I love you all anyhow and alot of my attitudes have changed, even since going to that retreat. Focus on how I am now, not what I was.

Seanna spake at 6:08 AM

Thursday, April 08, 2004

Well, I'm back from the retreat. I got back on Saturday about 7:30. It really was great & I'm glad I went. It was the most powerful youth thing I've ever been to. I went with a bad attitude and came back with a good one. In fact, I've noticed a new excitement in all of the teens at church.

I thought someone said that there was 24 in our group, but I can only think of 22; 3 adults, 12 girls, and 7 guys. It was an 8 hour trip there, interrupted by stops for snacks, Iced Cappuccinos, and lunch, and an 8 hour trip back. (obviously)

The preacher (Rick Drummund) was really good. Boring is the last word I would use to describe him. He got really worked up, but it was really encouraging. Also, at it, we played volleyball, went skating, and did "dares". In your team meeting you chose a person to do each of the dares. There were things like drinking buckets of water, bobbling for apples, eating contests, "chubby bunny" (shoving marshmallows in your mouth but still being able to say "chubby bunny" -we let the guys do that, obviously, since they have bigger mouths.), catching balls in toilet lungers, spitting candies (err), putting out a lighted candles that was placed in a team-mates mouth, by squirting it with a water gun, wrapping a person on toilet paper, etc. For the 2 days, a friend and I wore some magnetic earrings that I bought ages ago. What we weren't counting on, was that they almost got stuch to our ears, and then when we took them off, there were these major indents that soon got swollen. Now, 8 days later, I still have red marks on my ears that have truned into scabs. I don't think I'll be wearing them again soon. The trip was tiring though. We went to bed at 2 a.m., 1 a.m., and 3 a.m. respectively while we were there and got up around 5:30-6 a.m. (it takes a while to get 10 girls ready in the morning.) and I only slept for an hour on the way back.

At church on Sunday everyone who went got up and said a bit about what they learned and then most of us went to one house for lunch. After lunch, some of us went to the church to play volleyball but after a while we decided we should go to Tim's for Iced Caps. There was one problem though. The van that we had all come in had since left and just one of the guy's Honda Accura was left. If you're thinking, "you, the girl who wants to be an RCMP offiers, didn't", I'll pop yer bubble. We squished 8 girls in the back and 3 boys in the front. (I swear, the guy's mouth, in the white Dodge RAM that drove by, dropped a foot.) But we didn't go to Tim's like that. (Cops hang out there) We went to get the van, but it was yet in use, so we never did get to Tim's.

Anyhow, I still dislike skirts, but it was a pretty good trip, and neat getting to know the others in our group better. But now it's back to the nitty gritty. What I'm wondering is how long the fire and enthusiasm will last. I know I felt a change of sorts in me- a new softness. Surprising, eh? There were 113 kids at it and 21 became Christians, One of those was my brother. I can't believe the reception we've felt though, from our "happy","Christian", but really disfunctional, family. Certain members, in spite of the sermon on Sunday about liberty in Christ and thinking twice before you try to put out the fire, are, it seems, almost mad at us. Like they'd rather I hated it so that they could give me more heck about bad attitudes. And my brother... "someone" claims that they led him to Christ when he was 5 (which he says he has no recollection of) and "wasn't that good enough?" It seems thay almost want the old boy back lest they have no one to get after anymore. I think some pride is getting in the way. Also, "someone" is very mad at me because I made friends and want to keep in touch with them- over the internet- which I'm apparently [half] banned from. That's a whole 'nother story in itself. So, because of this enthusiasm, it's more confuding than ever, and I'm still crying "God, what do you want from this mess? How do you want to use me in this? Show me what you want for me."

Otherwise, my Thrive CD still works in one of my sister's CD players, I won a $30 award at the festival, and I'm taking alot of Tylenol for my back. It (the pain) it so intense right now it's hard to sit up, and even the Tylenol just makes it a numb pressure (if that makes any sense). If it lasts much long, I may get it checked out.

Seanna spake at 5:52 AM