Wednesday, December 27, 2006
You picture this "ideal" of what you want to be. Wish you were. Hope to be. Well I do anyway. And when you realize you aren't even close, you shrivel.
You know how you want to look. You know how you want to smell. You know what you wish people thought of you. You wish you always knew what to do in situations. You wish you had more self-control. And then other times, more looseness. And you wonder how life would have treated you differently if you were that way. And you have this ideal, but of course, it's likely unattainable because you're not perfect. No one is. Don't expect to be. But the gap between it and what is can drive you nuts. Drive you down. It's not how it was supposed to be.
Seanna spake at
12:41 AM
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Because Kris suggested it, and only because of her;
Heck, I'm 19 now. A year older and a year more decrepit. Whee. I'm going to be weird this year. Not that that's a change or anything...
Seanna spake at
11:53 AM
Sunday, December 17, 2006
And another weekend of work bites the dust. This one was not without its moments, which sometimes ad some interest and make the time go faster. Right.
Friday night we played baseball in the cookie isle with moldy cookies we were getting rid of, and carboard tubes.
Saturday, I went on my coffee break, blew my nose because of the cold, and got a big nosebleed. Meanwhile all the girls downstairs are paging me, and wondering where the heck I am, while I'm upstairs in the W.C. with toilet paper up my nose. I end up going downstairs with toilet paper inconspicuoulsy wadded up my nose, until I can disappear into the office to finish the job.
And Sunday, I was out helping the guys with stock, and I'm lifing a box off the pallet when it starts leaking on me. This is a box of bleach. So once again I do a disappearing act into the W.C. drenching my pants with water, trying to get the chlorine smell out even though it won't do much good, and then standing under the hand dryer to dry off. So my nice new black pants I bought Friday are now brown, and my bright blue Insiders shirt looks like it has snot running down the side.
Yes, all in all, I was having fun, I think.
Seanna spake at
10:38 PM
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
This probably shouldn't be bothering me, but it is. I'm thinking I'm a nut case, or something along that line.
I've always had a hard time taking compliments. Especially in public. I don't know why. Maybe I'm too shy of a person. And I'd rather not have attention about my appearance mentioned. Except that I'm not really shy so I don't think so. Or maybe I like to think I'm too modest for it. I like how I look, but don't really care if others care for my style or not. Anway, I was getting better at it, as one with such a crazy appearance as myself would, over time, like it's not a big deal, but after a certain incident this summer involving some, in my opinion, lousy compliments, it was a big setback to square one, and I once again can't take them.
This is embarrassing. The other day I was wearing a certain shirt (it's a long, semi-sheer, grey and black design under which I was wearing a white cami) and a certain coworker was all, I love it, etc. etc. to which I made some comment about how it makes me look fat or whatever.
I don't care. This is rediculous as one of my stature in North America would not by any stretch of the imagination be considered fat.
So my point is, it's a dumb little embarrassing thing that is just that, and it's bugging me more than it should. I'm on my way to the funny farm.
Seanna spake at
11:41 AM
Friday, December 01, 2006
Life is a gas. Yesterday I spent half of my afternoon in tow trucks as the alternator went in the van, yet again, on my way to S'toon. And this morning I met with a trainer at physio: I'm on my way to "taking control of my AS", i.e. big buff ess will be at the gym 3 times a week. I'm sore. And decrepit. And tired. I should maybe go to bed now...
Things you really didn't want to know; Eric Peterson (The guy who plays Oscar Leroy on Corner Gas) shaves his pits. Oo.
Seanna spake at
12:22 AM
