Wednesday, May 31, 2006
If you keep putting off what you want to do, will you ever end up doing it?
If it takes you twice as long as it should to do things, will you ever get as much done?
Do the two work together?
Right now I have this urge to be creative. It's been close to a year since I sewed, knit or crochet anything. My last project was my grad dress, which I didn't overly enjoy, because I didn't really want one. I didn't see the point.
It may seem stupid, but right now I want to go blow a whack of money on fabric and yarn. And a couple pairs of crazy shoes to go with it. This is all very strange since I've never actually knit anything more than socks (with the exception of one sweater that didn't really turn out), nothing that I've sewn has ever really been that off-beat, and since I usually pick shoes for comfort as opposed to weirdness.
Maybe I just feel deprived even from the little creativity I had. It's been a long year of buying what I thought looked half-nice on a rushed trip through some store, ending with the past month in which the majority of anything I've bought was black, work-approved stuff. Just yesterday I doled out $50 on a pair of DAWGS; the things that feel so light you bet they're crap, but oh such the rage and good for your feet! And in black too! Of course. Not some nice colour. Because they're for work. And work is not kind to the feet. So you're desperate for almost anything that promises the walking on air feeling. <side note> I do like black, and lots of it. But for some reason I have an aversion to black shoes. </side note> And you feel guilty even spending the time shopping for the crazy things because you know you should be at home studying. For you have deadlines hanging over your head. And you
don't want to flunk.
And the thing is, for now you have to suppress the creativity that is trying to leak out. Because there's things to do. And if there weren't, you'd feel lazy.
Which takes me back to my first questions. And, will I ever do what I really want? How long will it take me to get there? Will I blink and my life will be over? Will I ever get to college like I want? Will I be able to handle it? Oh, I know everyone says I'm a brain and that I can. I'm the crazy, "fastest, smartest cashier ever", I'm told. But so what? In what counts, will my
AS slow me down even more with exhaustion? Will it be a life of either/ or, for you can't do everything? Will I ever quit asking questions?
Probably not. But it feels good to take a minute to sit and type somthing. Whether it makes sense or not.
Seanna spake at
10:17 PM
Friday, May 26, 2006
In less than five minutes, I sealed my next year.
I walked into work, Thursday morning, after being off for two days. My supervisor greeted me first thing. This isn't that unusual, but neither is it that common. Firstly, we've got big guys coming in today to audit us, so be on your best behaviour, don't forget to circle the possible PC points you could have earned (Like I ever forget that one) and don't forget to ask for the PC Master Card, etc. Aww gee, you know I hate that one. But don't we all. In the same breath, and will you go into the cash office?
I think she was afraid I'd say no. She launches into, how it'll look good on a future resume, what all it entails, how I'm fast with numbers and I'm smart enough I'll do a good job of it, and you'll get to work with me another year! And she wants me trained before the one I'd be replacing leaves, and she goes on vacation around the same time. Possibly starting in 3 weeks.
I agreed to give her one year of my life. For this was my reasoning.
Number One: I'm not moving out and spending a whack of money on college unless it's on what I want. I couldn't get into what I wanted for this year. Don't go blowing such sums of money just as an excuse to get out. Even though it's enticing.
Number Two: If I'm here another year, I'll get a second p/t job and buy a car and such. Oh, and earn more money.
Number Three: Heck, I'll learn a bunch of cool stuff. And get to boss people around.
You see, it will be a good experience for me; Counting the money at night in the largest retail store in "the city" and hour radius. On weekends I'm on shift, I'll be in charge of the department. It's not glamorous; but I can handle it. She nearly hugged my head off when I agreed.
I hope I made the right choice. Maybe God has more for me to do there yet.
Seanna spake at
10:51 PM
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Today's post, in a different form.
Seanna spake at
2:24 PM
Friday, May 19, 2006
I like round numbers.
I nearly did a dance when I got 100% on my latest Bio test. I always wanted to do that.
Yesssssssss.
Seanna spake at
9:24 AM
Friday, May 12, 2006
Teacher C: She freshly graduated from University a month ago, and has started right in on teaching my Bio class where the last teacher left off. (Teacher one left to teach inmates. She hopes to not see us at her new job.) In bright pink shorts, coordinating blouse and chick sunglasses, she was our chauffeur in the college Malibu on our field trip. She, at one time, worked at the store I work at.
Classmate M: Rode shotgun. A 20 something, hard guy with a soft voice. He wears Marilyn Manson shirts, lightning bolt earrings and doesn't hesitate to shake a fist as those he's gotten in fights with at a bar. He's worked at the store I work at also.
Classmate S: On the right side of the car. She's in her 30's, and apparently works at the bar. She's worked most places in town. She likes denim, and used to work where I work.
Classmate M: In the middle back seat of the car. She's in her early 20's and has a sweet truck. She likes wearing miniskirts. I worked with her sister when I just started where I work.
Myself: On the left side. I'm 18. I work where I work.
While I usually could care less about who's wearing what, I mention who was wearing what, because I've noticed in this class, that everyone has their own style. There's no twin day. What they wear is part of them. It's something I've started to notice.
This was the group I spent the day with. Originally, I, even though I'm the youngest, was the designated driver, since I drive a 12 passenger van that could fit the whole class. But as is often the case there, those who say they will show up, don't. So the morning finds me pumping the baby full of petrol, and heading to class earlier than normal. Then we see that there's only 5 of us going, and so they decide we should take the college Malibu. Which is fine. But now I don't get reimbursed for that petrol.
So we head off to the "career/ futures day" where a bunch of schools set up to tell you why you should totally choose their school. On the way, we have a discussion going in the front seat, that I believe had something to do with bars, and in the back seat, nail polish, waxing, and razorless shaving, with occasional comments from myself about how it burns your skin, those chemicals! Then someone gets the bright idea,
"If we hurry, we'll have time to hit the casino."
"But I forgot my I.D."
"So did I."
"I'm so old they wouldn't I.D. me."
"I'd "beat up" whoever tries to I.D. me."
"By the way, 'essy', how old
are you?"
"18."
"Serious?"
"Yeah."
"You totally look older."
"No casino, I guess."
Then we get onto where we should go for lunch.
"I heard there's a new place called 'Mugs and Jugs'. I don't know if it's a bar or restaurant."
"What do you
think?"
"I forgot my I.D."
"And leave 'essy' to eat pretzles in the car?"
So we went to our career fair. It was amusing when vendors raised their eyebrows at our teacher, as she's younger than most of the students. And when they asked her what her plans are, then go on to explain what sort of jobs she could get with what she has; Example: the class she's teaching right now?
As it turned out, we then hit The Extreme Pita for lunch. Value Village and WalMart ended up being our money blowing outlets. I'm such a party pooper, but I do prefer it that way sometimes.
Just a week and a half of Bio left. I won't say that I'll miss it, for I probably won't, and while I get along ok with my classmates, I can't say they're my first choices for chilling with either. Obviously. But I can say, Bio is always an experience. Maybe not interesting, but different.
Seanna spake at
11:27 PM
Monday, May 08, 2006
2.5 weeks and 2.5 hundred later...
Why do glasses have to cost so dang much? Hmmm.....
Oh, and ell's home and has taken over my room. Not much studying will get done in there.
Seanna spake at
8:57 PM
Sunday, May 07, 2006
In Bio class on Friday, I was sitting around killing time with some classmates, discussing, of all things, what we had just had a quiz on. Not on what we got, or what we thought we got, but the actual topic itself, or something somewhat related.
We eat cows. In cow's muscle's cells is the cow's DNA. So why don't we turn into cows from eating their DNA? The answer is simple, but it's not something one usually thinks about. Our enzymes break down the amino acids that make up the cow's DNA. But since all DNA is make up of the same four nitrogen bases, cytosine, guanine, thymine, and adenine, after the enzymes break the cow's DNA apart, our bodies use the parts of the amino acids to replicate our DNA.
However, if you don't eat cows or pigs, or lambs, or gophers, or grasshoppers, or something with DNA, like, non-meaty eater vegitarians, you must eat several types of plants that each have partial protiens. However, no plant has a complete protein. Most of you will already know that. I did. But the point was that we couldn't come to a conclusion about how the plants get and amino acids in the first place. Do they get their partial protiens from the dirt in which a cow, or pig or lamb or gopher or grasshopper, or something that had DNA, died and decomposed in? We couldn't figure out where some plants manage to get some amino acids from, while other plants have none. Help me out if you know the answer to this question. Maybe it's very simple and already in front of my nose, and I'm missing it.
After all this and eating week old pizza from our pizza party last week in class, I retured home, and we took off to S'toon for a Bible Conference. But we were volunteered to drop some parts off at a farm somewhat on the way.
So I'm driving down these gravel and dirt roads, thinking, how long it's been. Since I myself was a farm girl, and gravel was the usual, and paved roads, the unusual. I didn't drive yet when we left. But who can forget some things? The pulling half off on the side to pass another vehicle. The clouds of dust the follow you as you race down the solitary roads. The clusters of trees, you know means a farm yard. Successful or not, you maybe can't tell until you get inside them. Part of me still likes it in the country. Another part knows I learned to move on. It's been 5 years.
Maybe more later on what we did in S'toon.... zzz.
Seanna spake at
12:04 AM
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Why is it that little things seem to pile up so big, and make you feel like a failure? You have no idea what you're doing. But on the other hand, you know that you really do. Or can I not remember that I'm just a machine: don't take it personally?
Why is it that I despise my job so much, and yet I can't and won't let go? Is my pride too big, that it would seem I was giving up?
Seanna spake at
11:09 PM
