Fancy that.: August 2004

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

No kidding. Wish me luck. I need it. I'm already stressed out.

Seanna spake at 4:42 PM

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

I'd always thought your teen years were supposed to be some of the best in life. You're supposed to have friends, hang out, etc. My last four years have been a fizzled bomb. No friends, no hanging out. I now suddenly find myself staring grade 12 in the face. My last year of apparent carefree-edness. (When has it ever been, though?) So here I sit, wanting to die because I don't want to face my former laziness, and wanting to weep at what my life has become. It was never supposed to be this way. I was a bum. I never finished grades 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 or 10. Grade 11 I woke up. Last year I managed to finish grades 9 and 10 and most of 11, barely. I'm not by any stretch of the imagination a genius. I can never remember anything. To prove it, I can't remember how many test I failed last year. But I passed my courses somehow. But now I think of whats ahead this year and just cringe. I'm determined to finish this year. Somehow. But so much for support. My mom is already talking about how it'll take me 2 years yet. I know a person who did that: took 2 years for grade 12. If I were to have to do that, she would be the first person to criticise me. I simple can't face all my genius relatives with degrees and say "I'm sorry. I'm so stupid. The grad party (actually, I don't really want one. It would be a big bomb.) will have to wait till next year." I have a hard time admitting all this to myself. It's a hard thing: not measuring up to other's expectations of what you should be simply because they are. I realize I'm not very talented or smart. I've taken 11 years of music and still can't plunk a tune or stay on key or make up harmony. But when everyone around you is a genius and musical and you're not, but you're expected to be because they are, it's pretty crushing. In spite of all this, I'm going to finish school this year. I have to. But to be blunt, I don't have it in me. I'm asking God, you've brought me this far, help me to the end. I've seen you do great things for me before, help me overcome. In a little over a week, I'm about to embark on something I've never done before: finishing a whole grade and more, in only one year. From then on, I really don't know how much I'll be around. Depends on whether or not I can finally work something decent out with my parents or not. I feel it's going to be a hard year.

Latest development: I've got a 7 weeks old puppie sleeping on my lap and my favorite cranky, bratty cat, Rotunda, sitting above the screen. (Oh, and the phone ringing.) Indeed, good times are ahead.

Seanna spake at 4:36 PM

Friday, August 13, 2004

Once again I'm reading The Visitation by Frank Peretti, and I howl along almost dementedly at the trueness of it all. I've seen much of what it makes pokes at offhandedly. I've seen the "typical churches" of both extremes. I've seen the attitudes in both. The ones on fire, the ones that think they're on fire, the ones too caught up in their specific rules to care about fire, and the ones so out of it, the only fire they know is a bon fire. There's people who are so right that you dare not disagree even on carpet colour. Thus is the family of God. It reminds me of my family. Disfunctional. I scare myself, really. I'm so cynical. And I scare others too. Simply because I'm not exactly like them, and that alone is something to be wary of. So I stand alone. No one really knows what goes on inside my mask. No one dares to. Or cares to. But back to the book. Read it. Maybe you'll see what I mean. Maybe you already know what I mean.

Seanna spake at 10:42 AM

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

I looked down, saw this cute little leaf, and almost freaked out and ran down the street like on the KFC commercial. You mean, *gasp* fall is here? There's one major problem though. There are no , I repeat no, maple trees in our neighbourhood. Where the heck did that leaf come from? Aliens?

Many people take their 7 inch pups for for a walk on a leash, so why does the neighbourhood stare when I walk my cat? Don't laugh. I walk me cat every day. (Or, right now, attempt to walk.) She has learned many things quickly. Such as, not to walk on the grass; only the sidewalk. Look both ways before crossing the street. Don't drink from mud puddles. If you see anything move, RUN! She hasn't figured yet though, that there's no reason to get freaked out at drainpipes.

Seanna spake at 6:06 AM

Friday, August 06, 2004

It's been a week since camp. I'm still re-cuperating from it. It was a great week in spite of the faulty weather forecast. Most afternoons (I think...) a bunch of us spent in the lounge (that no one else seemed to know about) playing Risk and such. It was my first time playing Risk, and I took over the world. They must have been going easy on me. Go Pepto Bismol pink!! Also, elly and I slept in a tent with another girl for the majority of the week, simply because our dad snores very loudly. The speaker, Dr. Parker was great too. Oddly, he recalled giving me a piggy-back ride at age 4, so when I got him to sign my autograph book, he signed it "your friendly pack mule." heh. Also I took all this money to camp to spend on tuck, and then I got there and didn 't feel like eating any sweets, so I just bought Coke all week, and then bought one of the awesome camp t-shirts that we at first mistook for Campino shirts.

In other news.... the other night I kinda blew up at my parents. I've been having more back problems for the past 3 weeks. Really bad this time. I can hardly walk or stand right now, and mom wanted to drag me off to look at... trees. I also have a cold. Yay. So I said simply "no". "Why could you run around at camp then?" I pretty much yelled back, "Do you want to know how much Tylenol I was taking? Now buzz off!" So she stormed out. Dad, feeling badly because, he's not around during the day and had no idea, wanted to know exactly how bad it was, then said we should go to a doctor. As I recall, I heard that 4 months ago. I'm not a wimp. Indeed, am I quite strong. I put up with alot. But this time it's bad. I slept all afternoon because it kept me awake much of the night before.

In any case.... now for afew of many pics that were taken....

*sigh* A link shall have to do.

Seanna spake at 5:28 AM